Perez Hilton Gives Celebrity Advice
By Perez Hilton
The "taking summers off" concept is one most people don’t get to enjoy. And I’m okay with that, as long as it’s handed over to those who deserve it: the college coeds fetching coffee and running errands in a futile effort to prove themselves at an enslavement camp cleverly disguised as an unpaid internship; teachers who spend the dog days of summer Botoxing until they can Botox no more—trying desperately to erase the physical reminders of another year in high school hell; and celebrities. Yes, even they deserve a break this time of year, provided they spend their downtime wisely. As “wise” is not a word frequently used on my Web site or to describe celebrity behavior in general, I’ve got a few suggestions for some bbs [that’s babies in Perez Hilton slang] I think need them.
TO ACTRESSES HAVING TROUBLE FINDING WORK: One word: Broadway. These days, everyone seems to be doing a stint onstage and, lucky for some of them, it’s a very forgiving gig. Broadway is willing to give anybody a shot for three months. This is a particularly good idea for the actresses-turnedrecording-artists trying to “express themselves in a different way.” Best to leave the singing for the stage, ladies.
TO THE YOUNG HOLLYWOOD SET OBSESSED WITH DOCUMENTING THEIR EVERY BREATH: One word: unplug. A sense of mystery is a good thing, believe it or not. Enough with YouTube videos, Facebook updates, and Twitter posts. Turn off the computer!
TO THE PRETTY YOUNG THINGS BEGGING FOR LUNG CANCER: One word: Nicorette. A lady is never seen smoking in public and, by definition, she always behaves in a ladylike manner— especially when on set. Put down the cigs. You’ll be doing your health and your image a favor.
TO DISAPPEARING WOMEN: One word: eat. Take a long wineand-cheese tour through the South of France this summer and come back with 20 extra pounds. You know who you are.
When the memories of summer fade, celebs will realize it’s not about the pounds lost or the cigarettes smoked, but rather the hoards of paparazzi photos documenting the train wreck. Happy summer, everyone!
photograph by Michael Tucker
Fashion shoot: December 2013 issue of Los Angeles Confidential magazine.