Man, Oh, Man!
As Los Angeles Confidential celebrates men this month, our thoughts turn to the type of men who call the City of Angels home. They come in all shapes and sizes, with egos both large and larger, and yet we just can’t get enough. For an irreverent take on the men we love (and occasionally love to hate), we asked members of The Groundlings comedy troupe to describe the “typical” LA man. The Groundlings perform Wednesday through Sunday. 7307 Melrose Ave., LA; groundlings.com
“He dresses like a hobo and has the body of a 45-year-old boy. He gets new head shots (and sometimes hair) every year. He hates Universal CityWalk, loves to drink and drive and has two great ideas for a screenplay.”
“People don’t know this, but most guys in LA look like either Brad Pitt or Taye Diggs. They are supersmart, really grounded and slap-your-mama funny. The city is full of them, so anyone on the hunt for a guy like that should immediately move to LA and start walking around until you bump into one. It should take about 24 minutes, tops. Happy man-catching, America!”
“A typical LA man is concerned about appearances. Some would say that is the opposite of a real man. But let’s look at the opposite of ‘concerned about appearances’—that would be a 45-year-old man living in a dark two-bedroom apartment with his aging mother. One bedroom is for sleeping, the other houses a dirty computer and some exotic birds. If I have to pick, I think I’m gonna hang around the LA dude even if he hits the gym too much and overzealously plays into the whole trendy-hat scene.”
“The typical LA man is not from LA, owns facial moisturizer and has—at some point in time—been a vegetarian, but now just considers himself a ‘conscious eater.’”
“He spends more money on jeans than a family of five somewhere in the Midwest. He spends a lot of money on hair products to make it look like he either just woke up or didn’t go to sleep at all. He looks for any reason to pull his shirt up and show off his shaved, starved stomach. The LA man would be a woman in any other part of the country.”
“He’s a serial killer who doesn’t kill people. Think about it for a while.”
“The easiest way for me to explain it is if you read my screenplay.”
PHOTOGRAPH BY SHAWN BISHOP (GROUP SHOT)
LAC celebrates the women of its May/June 2013 issue at Palihouse in West Hollywood.